Movies: Zombies of Mora-Tau/Werewolf

Another DVD double-feature, this time two productions from Sam Katzman, a prolific producer who coined the phrase 'beatnik', and whom I imagine looking as though he stepped out of the pages of the Untermensch.

According to wikipedia, Zombies of Mora-Tau was written by a blacklisted screenwriter, but don't expect social commentary. It took a talented ass like George Romero to make zombie flicks respectable. This is a trashy, 1950s 'voodoo' picture about diamond hunters who fight zombies protecting diamonds somewhere on the 'voodoo coast' of Africa. Considering there are three locations in the entire movie -- a forested roadside, a boat and a house, 'the voodoo coast' is probably Burbank. The wise granny says to kill the zombies the diamonds 'must be destroyed', as though they had a volcano handy, and then at the end she just drops them in a shallow lagoon -- causing the zombies to disappear. A typical 50s B movie, it features big, loose-fitting suits, a square-jawed slab of meat as the lead, and a slattern (the captain's wife) who pushes the Hays Code with tight, tight sweaters.

The Werewolf is much better. A Tony Shalhoub look-alike gets stranded in a tiny Western mountain town with no memory of who he is. During a shakedown by a local thug, he changes into the 'wolfman', kills his attacker, and flees into the woods. Although the cover promises he 'transforms before your terrified eyes', you get typical quick dissolves as he becomes progressively hairier. One brilliant addition is the creature drools prolifically. As in nearly every horror movie since King Kong, the monster is sympathetic and his persecution is relentless. The Shalhoub dude stumbles into a bear-trap, is chased through the woods by torch-bearing locals, and at the end, runs up against a bulldozer. The whole affair lasts less than 70 minutes.

Movies: The Lost Kung Fu Secrets

There are no secrets, lost or otherwise, in Lost Kung Fu Secrets, aka, Ban gong Ji. The rather bizarre premise is that a warlord is spreading Christianity through China as a cover for his plot to assassinate the Emperor. This gives the film it's best image, of the warlord sitting before a big white flag with a red cross on it. However, there is no actual mention of Christianity in the movie, except the voice over in the beginning, and none of the villains do anything remotely Christian. You could be forgiven for thinking the writers of the movie, such as they were, knew nothing else about Christianity other than it was a bad Western intrusion. So, I'm sure, it was. But unlike, say, Boxer Rebellion, there are no bad Westerners, or any Westerners, here.

David Chiang, who made great buddy kung fu flicks with Ti Lung for the legendary Chang Cheh throughout the seventies for Shaw Brothers, is the star here. He was always a weird looking short man whose only concession to the art of acting was flashing a goofy smile whenever he was insulted, to show cheerful stoicism, I guess. Here, he looks older and tired. Shaw Brothers was closing, and one imagines his roles were drying up and he knew he was only a few years away from Hong Kong TV obscurity.

The fights are rather clumsy, though there is a strange bout at the end with the warlord's lieutenant who has spiked shoulder pads and a sort of duck-billed helmet he attacks Chiang with. This is not to say the movie is all worthless. Even a lesser, late kung fu flick has unexpected joys, like when Chiang traps a villain in a noose, and says, 'you will die slowly for what you've done.'

The version I watched was the 'Martial Arts Theater' copy, transfered from a shitty old video, I assume. It's gloriously badly dubbed.

Movies: Deathless Devil and Tarkan Vs. the Vikings

Pointless nudity, crude violence and foam monsters. For connoisseurs of the bad, Mondo Macabro's DVD double-feature from Turkish cinema's forgotten 1970s heyday is a blessing from the gods. Deathless Devils has the continuity of porn, ubiquitous zooms, a cardboard robot, bad fake moustaches, a creepy sex scene and is truly only watchable in fast-forward, though it seems destined to be projected against a wall at a hip loft party. Tarkan Vs. the Viking is clearly the superior flick, and at moments dares to be even watchable. Apparently based on a Turkish comic strip, Tarkan is a noble Hun whose only friend, his dog Kurt, is killed by vikings, and Tarkan vows revenge. Along the way, he has to protect a Hun princess and fight a giant rubber octopus the vikings worship, as well as contend with the wiles of a frequently-undressing 'Chinese' courtesan. The interesting accompanying doc about Turkish cinema is full of colorful actors and filmmakers of the period. One director says the movies, which he cranked out by the dozen every year, were 'boy's own adventure stories, but for adults.' Mostly they were cheapie remakes of American movies that were redeemed by their fearless stupidity, such as the Star Trek knockoff, in which the Turkish crew battles Godzilla. Tragically, much of this wonderful output was melted down for the silver nitrate in the film stock when Turkey's movie industry went belly up in the 80s. One of the old-timers in the doc laments that 'a lot of art was destroyed'. A poster of a now vanished film, with Captain America in chains, Spiderman, the Hulk, and a nude woman, suggests that he was right.